The term “social media” is deceptive. Instagram relies on interactions that are transactional – you show me a picture, I’ll give you a like. They are restrictive and can deeply impact children’s self-esteem and creativity.

Psychologist Teodora Pavkovic notes, “These aren’t ways of being social; these are ways of following a user’s manual for a product. A product that happens to involve other people.” Pavkovic, in her recent Medium article (which we recommend reading in full), outlines 6 psychology-informed reasons that children should not use social media.³ They are:

• Being watched and watching: The “always on” reality of social media means that children become hyper-aware of themselves and others in a time when their identity is really developing. Children can become anxious and hypervigilant about their online identity as they watch and are watched by others.
• Constant social comparisons: When children watch others, they are likely to follow others’ rules for how to be (instead of their own), which can not only impact their own identities, but also cause feelings of self-doubt, self-harm, and FOMO or “fear-of-missing” out. As kids follow the trends of older youth, this can also lead to sexualization of even the youngest children.
• The currency of self-esteem: On social media, the currency is likes and attention, not effort and skills. When we fail to emphasize the process by which kids learn and explore the world around them, we fail to really see them. On Instagram, kids exchange virtual attention for edited versions of themselves. This emphasizes that their self worth is quantifiable in the form of likes.
• Self-augmentation: Filters and editing are very popular on Instagram. When we allow young children who are not yet comfortable with their bodies to constantly edit themselves to look more “beautiful,” more “socially acceptable,” what message are they getting?
• Thinking inside the box: The elementary and middle school years are times for kids to figure out how to express themselves. Offline, creativity blossoms and children find their “thing.” Social media platforms, however, place constraints on children’s creativity; instead of helping children discover new interests or find enriching content, algorithms serve the content that is most likely to keep kids scrolling on their platforms. 
• Parasocial relationships: A parasocial relationship is one that is one-sided, like a preschooler’s love of Elmo; Elmo will never love them back. On Instagram, kids form para-social connections with one another, without real friendship; these are relationships built on likes and appearance. “Kids need all of the immediacy and messiness of real life friendships in order to develop vital social-emotional pathways in their brains,” says Pavkovic.

“Now, what does that mean, exactly, a 7 year-old ‘keeping up with their friends’? What is it that one 7 year old is doing that another 7 year-old should be ‘keeping up with’ on a regular basis?,” asks Pavkovic. In the age of remote connection, video calls, written notes, and drawings are a much better way for children to build relationships as needed, not social media.